The Snubbing of Nerd Girl: The Brush Off and the Identity Crisis

So....I am a little disillusioned.  I emailed one of the people at Racebending.com and expressed in interest in contributing to the cause.  I sent him a writing sample and after that he just kind of.....stopped replying.  So...he's either really busy, which I'm hoping is the case, or hated my writing, or thinks I'm totally unqualified to help with the Racebending.com cause.  I sent him a later email after watching Glee and pointed out the racist elements of the TV show, which I thought, like the innocent, doe-eyed idiot I am, he would super appreciate and would be so impressed that he would give me a million things I could do on the USC campus to help with Racebending.com.  At the end of the email, I casually wondered if there was in fact anything I could do--I wasn't even asking outright for a "position" at Racebending.com, which he told me are completely voluntary (How can they be voluntary if some people who genuinely want to contribute are snubbed?).  Instead I received a reply the next morning:

Hi,

I personally got tired of Glee about halfway through the first season.  Its portrayal of race, as you point out, is problematic.  The show's definitely been amazing for gay advocacy and portraying a nuanced gay teenager in the form of Kurt - this is unsurprising, given the background of Glee's creators.

Still, although the show is problematic, as Harry Shum himself said about the show: It has an Asian girl portrayed as a goth and an Asian guy as a football player, in a happy relationship together.  That's something of an accomplishment in and of itself.  I can't think of another example of an Asian male/female relationship portrayed in a positive light, with the exception of Lost (and even that took a lot of time).

The writing is absolutely wanting in nuanced portrayals of people of color, and in giving the limelight to anyone who's of a darker skin tone.  I had to stop watching because I couldn't stand it anymore, but I acknowledge that the show didn't have to include any people of color at all (like 95% of shows on television right now).

Basically: could be a lot better, could be worse.

No response to my question whatsoever.  Maybe I'm being hormonal, but I felt like he was brushing me off.  I had explicitly asked if there was anything I could do--I was willing to give up my time of being a college student at USC to spread awareness about their cause, but he gives me nothing? I've never faced a problem like this before!  What I'm hoping is that he didn't see my question, he forgot to answer it, or he's trying to think of something awesome I could do and will let me know later. 

That's not the end of the snubbing of this week.  I had recently received a mass email from someone in one of my classes and I actually replied.  Turns out that in a class of 200 students, I was the only one.  I had just expressed interest in a massive project that would be taken on by 3 people, two of which can barely speak Standard American English.  I am not expressing derision.  I'm just showing that I was the minority.  "We're thinking of making a play, or a movie, or something, that shows a real kind of China to the Americans," the girl told me.  I liked it, I was interested, I wanted to be involved.  "I'd love to help," I said. 

"Oh.  It's kind of going to be in Chinese...sooo...."

It didn't make sense.  The point of her "club" is to show Americans what Chinese culture and people are really like, in light of the "Chinese threat" that has risen in the past months.  So....her play/film is going to not be in English? And this was the first time in my life that I faced that awful identity crisis I had heard about in Hollywood Chinese.  Being Chinese American, I'm not accepted by the American people because I look Chinese and not white.  People just assume that I'm fobby, until they realize that I'm not.  But being Chinese American, I'm also snubbed by other Chinese because, what, I don't speak Mandarin? Oh yeah, disregard the fact that I'm very smart, and very resourceful, and have had experience in the creative arts producing things, and being behind the camera or backstage as opposed to in the limelight (I've also been in the limelight), but I don't get to be a part of this because I'm "not really Chinese." Wonderful. 

So I just stopped replying to her.  This girl heaped a bunch of work on me, interviewing people and being pushy and getting me to do things because, oh, I'm the American so I don't put as much emphasis on academics as she does, it's okay, you can go interview the lady by yourself even though I haven't given you the details about any of it.  Unacceptable.  I'm way too busy for this and I'm not going to accept the bull sh*t. 

Still holding out for Racebending.com, if not with a bittersweet outlook now.  Oh, Racebending.com, there's so much I could've done for you!