I finally have time to just sit and be grateful that I'm here, in Southern California, with my friends and family. Because just a few days ago when I was feeling as brain-dead as an amoeba and wishing I was anywhere else but here, I only had to remember...hey, at least you're not in Boston. See, when I was in Boston, I was in total emergency mode. This is what emergency mode entails:
- no friends, or friend-making attempts
- daily schedule of going to class (rarely), teaching myself the material later, eating one at most two meals a day, doing homework, showering at 8:00sharp, and going to sleep, then waking up the next day and repeating.
- this would lead to really unhealthy binges of eating where I would partake in indulgent food, like a burrito. and ketchup with fries. I never eat my fries with ketchup. I just don't. But I did then.
- Being basically a zombie, always politely declining to hang out when invited, constantly thinking of one thing: getting out of there.
So when I was thinking, "Hmmm maybe I can drop out of USC and become a waitress, I'd still be making money," what I should have thought first was, "Oh thank Cheezus I'm not at Boston University anymore." Because the fact of the matter is...I <3 USC. I <3 LA. I may be sucking in 2/4 of my classes, but that's ok. USC > BU, so I would expect the classes to be more difficult. I just need to hitch up my pants, roll up my sleeves, put on my slytherin scarf and pretend I'm a student at Hogwarts, nbd. I can get all this sh*t done well in time. Because I'm at USC. I no longer have to kill myself with internalized stress and fear and anticipation and sadness in order to get A's.
I got this.
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